Hit the Road Jack

There's nothing like a down & dirty presidential election to make me want to leave the county permanently! I've been mulling over an exit strategy in case the votes don't fall where I think they should on Nov. 4th. So far, tho, I haven't come up with a viable alternative.

Canada? Too cold, eh? Plus I'd be living next door to an obnoxious neighbor.
Mexico? Can't eat raw salads. And, same neighbor problem as above.
Brazil? Are you kidding? I'd need general sedation to wax certain body parts!
Chile? Nice wines. But I'd be lost at night if I couldn't see the Big Dipper.
Australia? Kangaroos make me nervous and I hit myself with a boomerang once.
Japan? Earthquakes, raw fish, suffocating subway cars. Guess not.
China? I'm not sure they eat chocolate. That would definitely be a problem.
India? Snakes. Large snakes. Large poisonous snakes.
Africa? But where in Africa? What if I forgot which country I was living in?
Russia? Hey, I saw Dr. Zhivago. Canada would be tropical compared to that.
Italy? Divine art, food, & wine. Heaven on earth except for the lunatic drivers.
France? Divine food, wine, & architecture. I'd look stupid in a beret.
England? Possibly, but I'm not to the manor born. More like scullery maid.
Scotland? Bingo! It's cold but beautiful. They almost speak English, but not quite. There's a bookstore on every corner and men wearing kilts. Food could be tolerated with some home cooking and avoidance of haggis. Aye, I'd be returnin' to the homeland. Bring on the tartans! If they will let me in, that is.