Say What?

This political campaign is burning my brain cells. Tonight on the treadmill I heard Larry King say, "Stay with us. We'll be back after the break with moron Sarah Palin." Geez, that seemed a bit harsh. Then I realized what he actually said was "We'll be back after the break with more on Sarah Palin." Whew.

Right after that, the man in the commercial complained about being "nipple and dimed" by his phone company. I think its time for new ear buds.

Hit the Road Jack

There's nothing like a down & dirty presidential election to make me want to leave the county permanently! I've been mulling over an exit strategy in case the votes don't fall where I think they should on Nov. 4th. So far, tho, I haven't come up with a viable alternative.

Canada? Too cold, eh? Plus I'd be living next door to an obnoxious neighbor.
Mexico? Can't eat raw salads. And, same neighbor problem as above.
Brazil? Are you kidding? I'd need general sedation to wax certain body parts!
Chile? Nice wines. But I'd be lost at night if I couldn't see the Big Dipper.
Australia? Kangaroos make me nervous and I hit myself with a boomerang once.
Japan? Earthquakes, raw fish, suffocating subway cars. Guess not.
China? I'm not sure they eat chocolate. That would definitely be a problem.
India? Snakes. Large snakes. Large poisonous snakes.
Africa? But where in Africa? What if I forgot which country I was living in?
Russia? Hey, I saw Dr. Zhivago. Canada would be tropical compared to that.
Italy? Divine art, food, & wine. Heaven on earth except for the lunatic drivers.
France? Divine food, wine, & architecture. I'd look stupid in a beret.
England? Possibly, but I'm not to the manor born. More like scullery maid.
Scotland? Bingo! It's cold but beautiful. They almost speak English, but not quite. There's a bookstore on every corner and men wearing kilts. Food could be tolerated with some home cooking and avoidance of haggis. Aye, I'd be returnin' to the homeland. Bring on the tartans! If they will let me in, that is.

It Was a Crime of Fashion

Hey RNC, you should have called Stacy & Clinton! They could have done your candidate's hair, makeup, and wardrobe makeover in New York for only $5,000 and saved you $145,000! Oh well, too late now.

Was your decision fiscally responsible tho? I lost $40,000 from my 401k last week. If there's anything left in your checking account on Nov. 4th, would you consider a small donation to my wardrobe budget? Just asking.....

Boo! Hoo Hoo

Boy, oh boy, oh boy! I am SO guilty of blog neglect. I haven't been short on topics. In fact, I've started a list of potential posts, because there's some great material out there right now. But my head has been spinning between the political campaigns, the economy, some problems at work, and life in general. So, I will address a major problem tonight, something which comes up on an annual basis: Halloween Candy!

It might not seem like a major problem. But if you're trying to follow a healthy diet it is! I end up having the same conversation with myself each year: Granola Girl pushes for fruits, veggies, and whole grains while Sugar Baby pulls for chocolate, caramel, and nuts. The conversation goes something like this:

Granola Girl: "Halloween is 2 weeks away. You don't need to buy the candy just yet."

Sugar Baby: "You might as well get it now and save another trip to the store. Besides, what if they run out?"

Granola Girl: "The store is not going to run out - there's a million bags in here!"

Sugar Baby: "Yes, but it'll probably go on sale and everyone in town will be getting their supplies. Remember the time you waited until Oct. 30th and there was nothing left but those weird sour things that nobody wanted?!"

Granola Girl: "OK, I'll buy 4 bags and keep them in the cupboard for 2 weeks. Get the Butterfingers because I don't like those."

Sugar Baby: "Kids don't like Butterfingers. They won't want to come to your house. Get the Milky Ways, Snickers, Kit Kats, and Reeses PB Cups."

Granola Girl: "The candy is going into the cupboard. Do not even get the Halloween basket out."

Sugar Baby: "But it looks so festive and cute. It doesn't mean you have to start eating the candy or anything."

Granola Girl: "Why did we buy 4 bags? Last year only 40 kids came to the door. Guess that means there's a few extra bars here right?"

Sugar Baby: "Maybe I'll just have one while watching Dancing with the Stars."

Granola Girl: "How many of those candy bars did you eat?!"

Sugar Baby: "Three."

Granola Girl: "Then why are there six wrappers on the couch?"

Sugar Baby: "Three of those are from last night."

Granola Girl: "We didn't even HAVE the candy here last night!"

Sugar Baby: "I don't think 4 bags is gonna last until Oct. 31st. You should have bought at least 5."

Granola Girl: "OK, next year we're ignoring the holiday. You have zero self control and I'm tired of enabling your chocolate problem."

Sugar Baby: "Whatever. Here try a Kit Kat."

Granola Girl: "Thanks."

Stop, You're Scaring Me!

Hmmm, I'm trying to decide between two different Halloween costumes this year. My first idea is to dress in heels, with a pencil skirt, colored v-neck sweater blouse with pendant, wear an ear bud and carry a large microphone. I could pop out the door and ask misleading, confusing questions like "When do you think we should bomb Pakistan?" or "My mortgage is a bit high - when can I expect my bailout check to arrive?" Can't guess what that's supposed to be? How about a GOTCHA Journalist!

But the other idea might be better. I need a calculator, laptop & printer, dark trousers, white shirt, and tasteful jacket. And a brand spanking new Lexus - I might have to forgo that prop. I could just paint my house windows instead, "Interest Only Loans! No Credit Checks! No Income Verification! Low Payments! Free Money!" Figured this one out already? Yes, it's a Predatory Lender!

OK, so the kids probably won't be thrilled - but I'll bet the parents will feel like screaming. Hehehehehehehehe!!

Make Mine a G & T Please

Senator McCain was interviewed by NPR last week, which I listened to on my morning commute. At one point, he was asked about a distortion of fact in one of his approved political ads. He responded by saying disdainfully, "well, that might be something discussed at a Georgetown cocktail party"... or a phrase very close to that.

I had been a bit bored up until that point. But then I remembered, hey, I've BEEN to a Georgetown cocktail party! Granted it was about 25 years ago, but still... it qualifies as a genuine experience.

I was a tourist tag-along with an ag group which my Then-Significant-Other was actively involved with. I don't remember now if it was grape growers or vintners or farm bureau business but there were about 15 members who traveled to Washington DC one May. Because it was my birthday month and because I had never been to the capital, I convinced him that I really, really should be included. Hence, I accompanied the group and while they were stuck in hotel banquet rooms and meeting with (gasp) evil lobbyists, I got to roam the Mall and see the sites of our nation's capital.

I visited the monuments and stared at the White House from the front fence (pre 9/11, so security was much less obvious.) I wandered through the Smithsonian buildings and saw really cool things like Dorothy's ruby slippers, moon rocks, and inaugural gowns of the First Ladies. I cried at the Vietnam Memorial and JFK's grave, but not at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier - probably because it's hard to cry in front of Marine Corps dress blues. I walked alone through Arlington cemetery and found civil war tombstones - rounded on top for the Union and pointed on top for the Confederacy. I saw panda bears at the zoo and US Senators in the Capitol Bldg. And then, on our third night there, the entire group was invited to a Georgetown Cocktail Party!

It was in the beautiful brownstone home of the (evil) lobbyists and was very cool! I remember a baby grand piano, a lovely urban garden beyond tall french doors, trays of champagne flutes and tasty hors d'ouevres, men in suits looking more handsome than normal, and entertaining social conversations. It was all very cordial and relaxing and, of course, I felt sophisticated and fortunate to be there - even tho describing myself as "sophisticated" is as inaccurate as most of the TV political ads! I would guess none of the other guests remember that evening, but it was my one and only Georgetown cocktail party.

So thanks, Senator McCain, for reminding me of that evening. If I ever get to visit Washington DC again, I'll take the subway to Georgetown, order a G & T, and reminisce about younger, more carefree days when the workings of Washington were respected and admired. Personally, I still think we have much to be proud of, even if it sometimes takes place with a cocktail and shrimp puff in hand!

Wall Street, Main Street, Side Street

In 1973 my favorite college professor told her class of disgruntled 19 year olds "Life is not fair and the sooner you learn that, the sooner you can start thinking and behaving like adults." I don't remember anything else about the class, only her statement. It has stayed with me for 35 years and I've even found myself repeating it to one or another of my nieces or nephews.

But right now, I am complaining bitterly about the unfairness of life. It's not fair that I have paid my mortgages on time for 15 years and am now paying a very heavy price for those who don't/can't pay theirs. It's not fair that people bought houses they can't afford and took out loans they didn't understand and that, due to them, my house has lost over $100,000 in value this year. It's not fair that my 401k dropped 20% in value in 4 hours yesterday and that I will be looking forward to a Tuna Casserole Retirement. It's not fair that the company I work for is being sold and that after working there 20 years I have no guarantee of a job in 2009. It's not fair that I try to stay healthy - eating right, exercising, using moderation, limiting alcohol, chocolate, and delicious fat stuff - but my health insurance premiums keep rising because other people are dreadfully unhealthy. It's not fair that I pay my bills on time, put a little bit in the bank, invest in my retirement fund, do repairs and maintenance, try to be a good neighbor, friend and citizen and in the end - I'm not even on Main Street, I'm on some crummy little side street or run-down, grimy back street.

IT IS SO FREAKIN' UNFAIR I CAN'T STAND IT! So sorry Professor Lutz, but I guess even at 57 I'm not completely an adult.

That would be no.

Most of the time I'm fine with the fact that I'm not a mom. Once in a while I wish things had worked out differently. And once in a very great while I'm actually thankful for my childless state.

I was standing at the computer terminals in the library today when the 5 year old boy next to me asked clearly and loudly, "Hey mom, can I sniff your armpit?" I may have snorted - I tried not to! But mom did not even flinch, just wrote down her book selections and said calmly, "That would be no."

I ended up behind them at the check out line too - just one of those days!